Controlling

Controlling Anxiety As it Occurs

These hacks don't provide long-term correction. Their greatest benefit is how they help manage symptoms and restore concentration which then allow us to focus on long-term corrections for our anxiety.

Hacks with immediate effects

These hacks can help almost immediately. Having these skills on hand will help with episodic bouts of anxiety and panic symptoms. A long-term correction is preferred over symptom relief but symptom relief can go a long way toward helping us pursue the long-term correction.

A warning about attitudes

These techniques can be valuable tools for managing anxiety and panic, but it's crucial to approach them with the right mindset.

Panic can feel overwhelming, and our instinct may be to escape rather than cope. However, I caution against viewing these techniques as an "ejection button" in a desperate situation. Instead, think of them as a cowboy's saddle, used to ride out a bucking bronco.

A pilot ejecting from a crashing plane is a helpless victim seeking escape from a force they can't control. A cowboy riding a bronco, on the other hand, acknowledges the challenge but believes in their ability to handle it, survive it, and even eventually tame it.

When panic strikes, fueling it with fear only makes it stronger. Instead, face it with the attitude of a cowboy: "I don't like you, but I'm prepared and equipped to ride this out." This shift in perspective can empower you to confront your anxiety head-on, rather than trying to escape it.

Controlled Breathing – Abdominal breathing (belly breathing) will likely be the best tool for helping during an anxiety crisis. Practice it before a crisis so you’ll be prepared. Start with the box method. 1. Slowly exhale for 4 seconds (remember to completely expel the air from your lungs). 2. Hold for 4 seconds. 3. Slowly inhale over 4 seconds. 4. Hold for another 4 seconds. As you improve, increase the exhale time toward 11 seconds and the inhale time to 7 seconds.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation – Move progressively (head-to-toe or toe-to-head) through different muscle groups. Tense and tighten those muscles and then slowly relax and feel the tension melt away. Move through your face, shoulders, arms, butt, thighs, calves, feet. Give each group about 15 seconds. If tension returns repeat. If you have good concentration, this can be coupled with controlled breathing. This is also a great way to fall asleep.

Mindfulness meditation – The regular practice of being still and quiet can reacquaint us with peace and help us slow our thoughts. Spend some time just observing thoughts. Slowly bring those thoughts to focus on God’s love and His ability to keep us safe. Understanding God’s infinite power and His willingness to use it on behalf of those He loves will bring tremendous relief to anxiety. Philippians 2:5, Psalm 48:9, Psalm 63:6, Hebrews 12:2

Forgive Freely – Bitterness is mental poison. It can also sneak up on us in clever ways. Forgiveness is more about our spiritual health than those we forgive. The bitterness and grudges we hold are a powerful anxiety generator that we can turn off with forgiveness. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Instead, forgiveness is giving up (letting go, releasing) our right to get even. We don’t forgive because they deserve forgiveness. We forgive because their offense is so small compared to our offense toward God. We forgive because we are forgiven. We forgive because we want to continue to be forgiven. Colossians 3:13, Matthew 6:14, Mark 11:25.

Prayer – This is not to suggest you simply pray harder or better. This suggests we pray in a different way. Not the “Help me and take this away” kind of praying we are prone to practice during episodic anxiety. That sort of praying generally strengthens anxiety because it reinforces that we are in danger. It is the “I submit to You and trust that you will turn this for my benefit” sort of praying.

Work the “What if” – Anxious people often torture themselves with “what if” scenarios where we play out the future of our current sensations. “What if” works both ways. What if you are getting better? What if this is a growing process? What if God is healing you? What if this turns you into a better and stronger person? Doing due diligence also means preparing for success. 

Defocus – Not in order to make things blurry but to offer our vision an opportunity to explore the horizon. To abandon our focus on a specific tree and allow ourselves to view the whole forest. Our eyes/brains are not intended to stare into near-field objects like phones and computers all day even though for many of us it is part of the job. It is helpful to take screen breaks, look up, and allow our eyes to wander around the horizon. Allowing our eyes and brains to decentralize their focus can have a calming neurological effect.

Physiological Sigh – A physiological maneuver of serial inhalations that precedes a normal yawn can signal our brain that it’s time to wind down and sleep. It’s that stack of two or more quick breaths followed by a long exhalation. Typically, it’s a double inhalation (through the nose) followed by a long exhalation through the mouth. We do this when we "tired yawn" before sleep but the maneuver can be mimicked and fool the body into a more restful state.

Ice – For those who experience dissociation (a sense of being disconnected from themselves and their surroundings) during times of high anxiety and panic, squeezing ice in your fists (or pressing ice on the neck) can draw your focus to that physical and mildly painful sensation keeping you feeling present. Some report a relief similar to cutting. It provides the same sort of intensity as cutting which provides a sense of relief during anxious moments. It is similar to cutting without the scars. It may lack the satisfactory sensation that the sight of blood provides and it may not offer the same “proof” to legitimize our suffering. It can offer a temporary replacement for emotional pain with physical pain that some find helpful.

Hacks to use daily

These don’t offer the same immediate relief as those listed above. They also don’t necessarily lead to a long-term correction. But practiced regularly, they contribute in a positive way to reduce overall anxiety.

Seek Counseling – The value of good counsel can not be overestimated. Even when things are going smoothly, good counsel can always make things better. Insurance plans are now paying for online counseling options! There are more reasons than ever to participate. Get recommendations from trusted friends or churches.

Sleep Well – Good sleep is critically important but difficult for anxious people to nurture. I encourage you to 1. Create a well mapped out sleep routine that includes regular sleeping and waking times. 2. Have a hard rule for when to turn off screens. 3. Invest in your sleep. Good mattress. Great pillows. 4. Make your bedroom a place for sleep, sex, and nothing else. Do whatever you can to make sleep the most inviting daily pleasure. 

Eat Well – Many Americans have become overfed and undernourished. Do a deep dive into your diet to make sure you are getting plenty of healthy foods. I believe most of us intuitively know what to do. Eat more vegetables and fruit. Eat less fatty and salty junk food. Our bodies are remarkable self-repairing machines when we give them the proper materials. Give your body the good stuff it needs to make those repairs.

Exercise – The benefits of exercise for treating anxiety and depression can’t be overstated. Many people testify to overcoming anxiety and depression using exercise as their only treatment. Here is some advice. 1. Do something you like. 2. Something is better than nothing. Convince yourself to do just 5 minutes. Trust me, you’ll end up doing more. 3. Doing it with someone else builds accountability into the process. 4. Don’t let imperfect practice stop you from getting back into action. Aim for perfection, but be happy with doing better than last year. 5. Start small and build the habit. After the habit is established, then think about ramping up.

Talk About it -You don’t need to talk about anxiety all the time. Just don’t hide your struggle. When we treat anxiety as something secretive and shameful we give it more power in our minds. There is freedom in owning our struggle. I have found only two responses in my experience: 1. Empathy. Friends cared and wanted to help. 2. Identification. I was surprised at the number of people who likewise confessed their own struggles. They were also too ashamed to share. They felt relief knowing I shared their struggle. 

Rational fears – Some real and rational fears contribute to anxiety. It is frequently the avoidance of our fear that causes anxiety and not the truth of the fear itself. For example, we must all deal with the fact that we will one day die. Things like death anxiety must be faced and dealt with or they will continue to offer the background noise of anxiousness. Fears like rattling snakes and charging bulls are good. Leave them intact.

Guilt – I have little doubt that guilt is a huge driving force for anxiety. Like death, guilt must be wrestled with. Some of our guilt is warranted. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. However, some of our guilt is sourced to us from unreliable players and is completely not worthy of attention.

Anger and hatred – We are occasionally if not frequently, wronged, and hurt. People (even those that love us) will eventually hurt or betray us. We must learn to deal with our disappointments in others. We must learn forgiveness, anger management, and learn how to make accommodations for the faults of others.

Responsibility – Anxious people are often empathetic people who can find themselves feeling responsible for the emotional well being of others. We are not. We are only responsible for our emotional well being.

Thinking errors – We have habitual thinking errors. Thinking errors come in the form of lies and cognitive distortions. These thinking errors are exposed in our automatic thoughts.

Budget Your Attention – Where you direct your attention will determine how you think. How you think will determine who you are and what you do. Faith and fear are always competing for our attention. Social media, news media, commercialism are heavily engineered (sometimes unethically) to hook, hold, and manipulate our attention. I get it. It’s how they make money. Our attention is a marketable commodity to them. We need to take back ownership of our attention and focus it in a more disciplined and productive way.

News media – Media outlets rely on frightening, over-the-top, and sensational reporting in order to support their ratings and income. Because of the relationship between our fear and their success, media outlets are rarely reliable sources of information and frequent exposure to them yields angst and tension.

Social media – Social media outlets are huge marketing machines. To maintain your attention (nearly 3.5 hours/day on average!) they leverage our need for social approval with our need for belonging along with FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Seeing those likes stimulates our brain’s pleasure receptors. Biology wires us to seek approval. If we have fewer likes, we try harder next time so we can repeat the infusion of pleasure stimulating neurotransmitters. We even increase our efforts to make posts more interesting and unwittingly service the attention-getting social media machine. These are subtle social engineering miracles that have proven to be very powerful motivators. They further yield anxiety because they play on our basic instincts. Because everyone else is also looking for the same pleasure serving, it becomes an unconscious competition that best serves those who play the most. Social media wants us to keep coming back. We are frequently served highly curated posts that depict a lifestyle that is impossible to maintain. I can’t possibly keep up with my friend (1 in 200) who sculpts his body daily at the gym and also keep up with my 300-pound chef friend (also 1 in 200) who daily posts his most magnificent culinary creations. “What is wrong with me?” is my only reasonable conclusion. We are so accustomed to approval and agreement that we have come to either celebrate diversity and agree that every person has “his truth” or we stand on principles and participate in the “cancel culture” that equally mars our time.

Commercialism – Advertising follows attention. The previously mentioned news media and social media, in the end, exist to serve the commercial interests of those who own them. Because fear and and a message of inadequacy are such powerful motivators, those who market products use them in subliminal ways to win approval for their brand. Many forms of commerce contain subtle messages that we are inadequate. We’re not likely to buy in the first few times but these messages, by force of repetition have a subconscious effect on our thoughts. Advertisements are present in almost every direction we look. And too often, the message is we are inadequate unless we buy _________.